Post by Tommygamer on Aug 16, 2007 6:39:49 GMT -5
Meeting with an agent
Today we meet once again with Tomko Brewski. He is the two time Kielbasa Award winner the as Defensive Player of the Year for his country. He was only a sophomore out of the University of Warsaw, and he has decided to come to the US to try out for an American football team. He has already decided to switch from defensive end to linebacker in hopes of signing with a team, hoping to play this weekend.
Cerebral Assassin Q – Tomko, welcome back. Who do you have with you today?
Tomko Brewski – This is my agent. His name Richard Dickstein. He say he like it when you call him Double Dick. I call him Richard.
Richard Dickstein – Hey, you payin’ my client for these interviews?
Q – Um, no. Tomko, what have you learned so far in trying to decide for which team to sign?
Tomko – I big man with big muscles and pretty face. I let my Dick talk for me.
Richard – Thank you Polish Power. While money is always a top consideration, there are many factors to consider here. Starting has been my client’s biggest priority. He needs to play to make an impact. He also knows he is young and needs to improve his skills. He cannot do that on the bench. A player may be able to accomplish this in one of the speed positions like WR or CB where a third player is frequently seen on the field.
He also likes the opportunity to improve with team training. Some teams offer more training for defense and linebacker than others that will be helpful to him. Other teams have placed priorities in other areas, but TT need be considered.
Next is who he is playing for. It’s only 3 games into the season, and team records can change quickly. The quality of the offense is somewhat important, but it is defense that wins games. He also wants to have good active players around him, so they can continue to improve as a team. A knowledgeable GM is quite useful. He’d like to be part of a team building for a future. He already has me, so he does not want to be around too many other Dicks. Team harmony will make a difference down the road.
Q – So, you’ve received 4 offers so far. Three teams have no free agent money left to make an offer to you. What is your take on that?
Tomko – I feel bad, because I like to be, what you say, male gigalo, and play the field.
Dick – It’s a shame for those teams with no free agent moneys left. Poor Firebirds, at least they’ve only got one place to go and that’s up. Stars team training is unbelievable for defense, and have the top rated offense now. Clowns have a nice defensive Team Training as well. The problem is that none of these teams has a superstar LB, rating over 90, and they would love to have my client there.
Q – What do you make of the offers, two early bids as back-ups, then two later bids to start for big bucks?
Tomko – I like to start. I like to tackle. I like kielbasa.
Double Dick – I like the money. Great for improving a player. But, once again, team training can give just as many attribute points as a modest salary can. The Bunnies offer of $2M was all they could afford, and all their TT is in DBs. That defensive unit may shine next season, but is going through some growing pains now. The offense is too talented to keep losing like this, but now is going to have to fight to make the playoffs.
Tomko – But I look good in pink
Bigger Dick – Yeah, but I don’t like dogbeating QBs… the next offer was for $3M from the Playboys. Nice gesture, very nice clubhouse that’s hard to leave after a visit with all those scantilly clad ladies walking around. They all are over 18, right? But still not an offer to start. They already have the best rated defense in the league this year and 2 stud linebackers. Best rated defense and 3-0, hmmmm...
Tomko – Yes, but I no like how that Liam McNasty look at me when I bend over to pick up the football…
Dicky – Now comes the fun part. Pythons offer $3M and starting, Hurricanes counteroffer $4M and starting, then two offers to start at $5M apiece. Boy, I can’t wait to collect my 60% commission on that…
Tomko – 60 %, I thought you say 60 $.
More Dicky – Both have good team training for an LB. They both have good offenses, similar ratings. Pythons have a converted DB as RB, have a PacMan Jones wannabe as one WR, and a tight end who musta come out of the University of Miami. Hurricanes have a wideout hiding out someplace in upstate NY, and may be forced to retire at the end of the season. But it is team defense that wins games. The Pythons secondary is the strongest in the league. The Hurricanes have 2 All-Pro LBs already.
Tomko – PER CENT??
Most Dicky – Records can be deceiving. Pythons have only won by a total of ten points in the combined 3 games. . They will still have an easier road to the playoffs. The Hurricanes with a few breaks coulda woulda shoulda been 2-1. And, no matter what happens for my client, this is still just a one year deal. Tomko can test the free agent market again at the end of the year.
Q – What about the Mustangs?
Dickload – They didn’t make an offer, so, no offense, I didn’t really look at them.
Tomko – And I no want to play in front of player named Anal Lube…. Although I do like to look at that Adrian Wilson when he bend over to pick up the football…
Q – So, Tomko, what have you decided?
Dickiest – Well, in the best interests of my client’s health, welfare an future pl/////…
Tomko – STOP! You say dollar, not per cent when we talk in private. I no sign contract yet, so now I treat you like someone who hates Rosie O’Donell…
Limpdick – Who? Paula Abdul? Some biker guy? Her kids? Any straight guy? Elizabeth Hasselback from The View? Any straight woman? Any kid ever forced to do a movie with her?
Tomko – You missed one, Donald Trump – You’re fired!
Q – Congrats Tomko, what is you choice?
A – Brewski need brewski, next time I back, I decide.
Today we meet once again with Tomko Brewski. He is the two time Kielbasa Award winner the as Defensive Player of the Year for his country. He was only a sophomore out of the University of Warsaw, and he has decided to come to the US to try out for an American football team. He has already decided to switch from defensive end to linebacker in hopes of signing with a team, hoping to play this weekend.
Cerebral Assassin Q – Tomko, welcome back. Who do you have with you today?
Tomko Brewski – This is my agent. His name Richard Dickstein. He say he like it when you call him Double Dick. I call him Richard.
Richard Dickstein – Hey, you payin’ my client for these interviews?
Q – Um, no. Tomko, what have you learned so far in trying to decide for which team to sign?
Tomko – I big man with big muscles and pretty face. I let my Dick talk for me.
Richard – Thank you Polish Power. While money is always a top consideration, there are many factors to consider here. Starting has been my client’s biggest priority. He needs to play to make an impact. He also knows he is young and needs to improve his skills. He cannot do that on the bench. A player may be able to accomplish this in one of the speed positions like WR or CB where a third player is frequently seen on the field.
He also likes the opportunity to improve with team training. Some teams offer more training for defense and linebacker than others that will be helpful to him. Other teams have placed priorities in other areas, but TT need be considered.
Next is who he is playing for. It’s only 3 games into the season, and team records can change quickly. The quality of the offense is somewhat important, but it is defense that wins games. He also wants to have good active players around him, so they can continue to improve as a team. A knowledgeable GM is quite useful. He’d like to be part of a team building for a future. He already has me, so he does not want to be around too many other Dicks. Team harmony will make a difference down the road.
Q – So, you’ve received 4 offers so far. Three teams have no free agent money left to make an offer to you. What is your take on that?
Tomko – I feel bad, because I like to be, what you say, male gigalo, and play the field.
Dick – It’s a shame for those teams with no free agent moneys left. Poor Firebirds, at least they’ve only got one place to go and that’s up. Stars team training is unbelievable for defense, and have the top rated offense now. Clowns have a nice defensive Team Training as well. The problem is that none of these teams has a superstar LB, rating over 90, and they would love to have my client there.
Q – What do you make of the offers, two early bids as back-ups, then two later bids to start for big bucks?
Tomko – I like to start. I like to tackle. I like kielbasa.
Double Dick – I like the money. Great for improving a player. But, once again, team training can give just as many attribute points as a modest salary can. The Bunnies offer of $2M was all they could afford, and all their TT is in DBs. That defensive unit may shine next season, but is going through some growing pains now. The offense is too talented to keep losing like this, but now is going to have to fight to make the playoffs.
Tomko – But I look good in pink
Bigger Dick – Yeah, but I don’t like dogbeating QBs… the next offer was for $3M from the Playboys. Nice gesture, very nice clubhouse that’s hard to leave after a visit with all those scantilly clad ladies walking around. They all are over 18, right? But still not an offer to start. They already have the best rated defense in the league this year and 2 stud linebackers. Best rated defense and 3-0, hmmmm...
Tomko – Yes, but I no like how that Liam McNasty look at me when I bend over to pick up the football…
Dicky – Now comes the fun part. Pythons offer $3M and starting, Hurricanes counteroffer $4M and starting, then two offers to start at $5M apiece. Boy, I can’t wait to collect my 60% commission on that…
Tomko – 60 %, I thought you say 60 $.
More Dicky – Both have good team training for an LB. They both have good offenses, similar ratings. Pythons have a converted DB as RB, have a PacMan Jones wannabe as one WR, and a tight end who musta come out of the University of Miami. Hurricanes have a wideout hiding out someplace in upstate NY, and may be forced to retire at the end of the season. But it is team defense that wins games. The Pythons secondary is the strongest in the league. The Hurricanes have 2 All-Pro LBs already.
Tomko – PER CENT??
Most Dicky – Records can be deceiving. Pythons have only won by a total of ten points in the combined 3 games. . They will still have an easier road to the playoffs. The Hurricanes with a few breaks coulda woulda shoulda been 2-1. And, no matter what happens for my client, this is still just a one year deal. Tomko can test the free agent market again at the end of the year.
Q – What about the Mustangs?
Dickload – They didn’t make an offer, so, no offense, I didn’t really look at them.
Tomko – And I no want to play in front of player named Anal Lube…. Although I do like to look at that Adrian Wilson when he bend over to pick up the football…
Q – So, Tomko, what have you decided?
Dickiest – Well, in the best interests of my client’s health, welfare an future pl/////…
Tomko – STOP! You say dollar, not per cent when we talk in private. I no sign contract yet, so now I treat you like someone who hates Rosie O’Donell…
Limpdick – Who? Paula Abdul? Some biker guy? Her kids? Any straight guy? Elizabeth Hasselback from The View? Any straight woman? Any kid ever forced to do a movie with her?
Tomko – You missed one, Donald Trump – You’re fired!
Q – Congrats Tomko, what is you choice?
A – Brewski need brewski, next time I back, I decide.
